What I felt when my idol followed me in twitter.
Soon followed by a “Challenge Accepted.” meme.
This sort of describes what I’m feeling right now. It’s difficult to go with what is just and right, but it’s what must be done. That doesn’t mean that…
Nothing to begin with.
My mum and dad told me there was never anything to begin with. Perhaps they are right. For so long had I been chasing my dreams, that I failed to see that dreams are just dreams. It’s like I can’t accept waking up in to this reality.
Maybe I should just grow up. Maybe I should stop playing with my fantasies, and live like everyone does. I’m just lying to myself. I can’t do this. I was never able to do it from the start. Everything was just a lie.
I guess dreams had always fascinated and eluded me. I had always looked up to dreams as a gateway to reality. I guess I was wrong all along. When reality dictates it, then shall I follow. I can’t change reality’s course.
I’ve been stubborn and hardheaded. I kept on going, with a false sense of hope and strength in my heart. Little did I know that I was just an extra in this story. I have become so self-absorbed that I failed to notice this.
I can’t do anything about it. It’s not my story. It’s just a dream; it’s not reality. I’m just there as an extra. Like always.
And for everyday that someone has never been with you, it makes you realize how much you want them to be a part of your life.
Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door
I don’t want to be bitchin’ about things like this, but it’s my only outlet, especially when it hurts so much to keep it in. “Knockin’ on heaven’s door.” That’s the way I feel. Physically and emotionally. Physically because I keep on pushing myself beyond my limit. My body feels like it’s crumbling. My blood feels like acid. To top it all off, I feel like crap. I try to hold it in everyday, but it’s slowly killing me. My friend told me that I would be better off alive than dead. I agree, and it has been my motto. However, I can see now why it’s so difficult to keep it. It’s eating me, and slowly killing me. I try to get by without any worries and doubt, but I know it would be impossible. It’s just the way it is, I guess. I chose this path. This damn hellish path. What awaits me at the end is everything but a mystery, but it’s not for me to decide. I’m just waiting at heaven’s door, after all. I’m just waiting, painfully but patiently.
About me
ramblings of an asphalt adventurer
